I need to figure out my job situation. If that job at meagan's work doesn't come through, I'm going to have to get more proactive, which would be bad because...I don't like most jobs. I'm pretty bad at them. I just want to go to school, maybe my mom will give me money. I want experience though, but doing what and where?
So, I'm going to move into this new house. It's not that my house is a bad situation, and I don't want to put a lot of blame for my lack of productiveness on it, but a change would be good. I really must promise myself that I'll actually be active creatively while I live here. More and more I think moving to another city in a couple years would be good for me, maybe look at different schools. I'm going to keep it in mind, but I will also still consider PSU. Financially, something pretty lucky would have to happen for me to be able to move anywhere.
My horoscope really comforted me yesterday, to the point I kind of started crying. I feel like I could have accomplished more in the last couple years, I know I could have, but I am also aware of how far I've come. Maybe I didn't do a lot creatively or academically, but I grew emotionally by leaps and bounds. I live with a much more responsible and open heart than ever before, with less fear but more caution.
One thing I'm proud of is how consistently active I've become. I still want to become stronger but I definitely see improvement.
God, my head feels so strange, I need to go to yoga. I feel like I'm constantly dreaming, like I never really go to sleep, never really wake up. I'm able to function, get enough things done. Something in my head keeps wanting after I decide to sleep. Like a curdling feeling in my stomach; like I left the oven on, the door unlocked, the garage open in my head. I try not to freak out about my future, about how people perceive me, sometimes it catches up with me when I least expect it.
My head is...eck i can't even explain it very well.
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